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Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Still Learnin' After All These Years

Over the past week or so I busied myself writing satire. Sometimes I need to lift my soul from the dark side and bring rays of sunshine to my readers (ya right). This is an article published numerous times, no politics, no sarcasm. Just fun.

Just a few weeks ago a brilliant thought flashed through my head. Believe it or not, upon occasion I am prone to great thoughts. Trouble is when great thoughts come knocking on my front door I am nowhere to be found.

This fleeting thought pertained to a passage from Robert Fulghum's book, "All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten."

The book, at one time, could be found in my personal library, so the elusive paperback should have been right at my fingertips, but it wasn't. Still I have a few recollections of the substance of the book so let us go back and reflect on Fulghum's basic points of kindness.

Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say your sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Warm cookies and milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life-learn some, think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and everyday work some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world, watch for traffic, hold hands and stick together.

I never went to kindergarten and thank God they never had day care in post-war America. Being deprived of all that early intervention pablum, I still managed to learn a thing or two, after all, a considerable amount of Iowa farm girls went on to be great and famous people--I just can't recall anyone at this moment.

Still, there is more to life than warm cookies and cold milk. It took several bumps on the road of life to learn the principals of survival and gain such great wisdom, so when I finally compose a book it will be entitled, "A Couple of Things I Happen To Figure Out One Day and Since I Had A Pencil On Me I Thought Perhaps I would Write Them Down."

The following are a few deep meaningful insights I have found to be of great significance:
Money is of little value if you don't have any.
God forgives, people don't.
If you go to see just one movie this year, I bet it will turn out to be lousy.
Be kind to everyone you meet. They may kick you in the shins, but you can limp down the path of righteousness.
When you live in a small town, don't talk about people, everyone is related.
Don't move to a small town because if you are not related to anyone, everyone talks about you.
If you own anything, give it away. If not someone will tax it, take it or both.
Don't play the lottery because you will never win, but if you do, I travel well.
Laugh at your bosses jokes.
Don't laugh at your boss.
Never chew Copenhagen.
Never kiss a man who chews Copenhagen.
Never kiss a girl who chews Copenhagen.
Never look over your shoulder because the Grim Reaper will make eye contact.
Placing your finger in a light socket to see if it is working is a very stupid act.
Don't take any wooden nickels but grab all the twenties you can.
Never start anything you can't finish.
Never open a bottle of wine.

There are many more nuggets of wisdom firmly ensconced in my head, but if I give them all away I will never sell my book and get on Oprah.

Other books my agent has shown interest in are, "Chicken Soup for the Stomach," and "Everything You Wanted To Know About Poverty But Were Afraid to Ask." I'm working on "MS for Dummies."

Perhaps you think my views on life are a bit odd. You are right. Remember, I never went to kindergarten so the concept of not playing in traffic alludes me and I do recall slugging a few nincompoops along the way.
I agree napping is heaven sent. An afternoon nap is almost better than chocolate. The idea of sharing everything is great, but just why does everyone share my stuff. As far as washing hands before eating, you provide the food and I'll bring the soap.

Now that is the way I see life, being my days behind me are greater than the days ahead. Now it is time to dance some, sing some, and just where did I place them warm cookies.


UpNorthLurkin said...

I forgot to leave a note for the milkman so I have extra cold milk! Yum.

Hawkeye® said...

Words of wisdom for sure... These days, I would love to drink of glass of cold milk. Unfortunately, my lactose intolerance forbids it... I'll go with something stronger perhaps.

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

I wrote that article over 5 years ago, but I keep it in circulation. More? Umm, likely so

Just Ranting said...

Mr RW,

You wrote, "Now that is the way I see life, being my days behind me are greater than the days ahead."

Greater in number perhaps, but not in substance. God still has special work for you to do. Your best is yet to come.

Maggie said...

Just testing to see if I can comment after registering.

Maggie said...

Yea,it worked.

Maggie said...

Ms Right Wing,Ink

At last I was able to register so I could post at your site.
Congratulations on your new blog.

My advice to your readers ,learned the hard way is :Never turn your back on a turkey.(painful childhood memories)

Maggie said...

What happened.I posted on Ms RW's site.Please delete.

Maggie said...

Oh,I'm so confuses.I saw Hawkeye's picture and thought I had posted on his blog.Feel free to delete all of my entries as I am very embarrassed.

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

embarrassment is not an option here. You come, sit and share a cup of coffee and join in.

I'm the one who is embarrassed at the lack of blog building knowledge. Scott said he would help but I'm to confused already.

But......Rome twern't built overnight.

Just Ranting said...


I like your last post. Hope you don't mind if I add a few.

Things I learned from a mis-spent youth (and adulthood):

Just b'cuz a dog wags his tail doesn't mean he won't bite.

Don't poke at animals through a fence with a stick. You can never be sure how far they can jump. (This is true of online trolls too.)

There are nicer ways to tell someone they are a knucklehead than to say, "Your a knucklehead". Like mom use to say, "Use sweet words. It helps if you ever have to eat them."

If the gas guage is on "E", believe it.

Everything cost more than you think, and takes longer to do. I find this even more true as I get older.

Forgiving others, even when they don't deserve it, is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself.

Snuggling with your 5 year old daughter watching Scooby-Doo lowers your blood pressure, erases a tough day, and refreshes your soul.

Don't tell lies or spread rumors. You'll have less to remember, and you can always look people in the eye.

Never kiss a girl like you really mean it, unless you really mean it.

Be careful what you feed your mind. A mind that dwells on tragedies and setbacks becomes humorless and depressed.

Happiness is a choice, not an emotion. Joy is the result following and living in Truth and Love to the best of our abilities.

When you ask your kid what happened in school today, and they say, "nothing", ask again...and again if you have to. And when they finally answer, really listen.

camojack said...

I remember a story you wrote...about a year ago. It was about some kinda cookies...

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

Hmmm, camojack, I live cookies, not write about them, yet you may be right. As of this moment the story rings no bells, but a hot shower maybe will make my mind snap to it.

Barb said...

You did miss one . Never ride in the back seat of a car with all the windows down ,when the driver is using Copenhagen.They gave my name to someone else so on here I am "lady10or" , but it is really me , prettyold

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

What, another prettyold? I do have several stories that surround the Copenhagen phenomenon. Some day?

Beerme said...

See, learnin's fun!

I never attended kindergarten, either. I guess we missed out on alot, eh? NOT!

camojack said...

You wrote a fairy tale about some WFCCC's...