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Friday, June 02, 2006

6,000 PAGE REPORT BEFUDDLES MAYOR NAGIN



WASHINGTON —A 6,000 page report was released today by the Army Corp of Engineers showing what happened, how it happened and who was responsible for the destruction of New Orleans last fall after Katrina destroyed the historic town while many residents sat watching the impending doom approach on the Weather Channel.

The report contained vast amounts of technical terms, such as corruption, incompetence, extortion, tom foolery and hypnotic trances, the later from watching the above mentioned weather channel.

Also included in the article was an alarming fact that the gulf town is sinking under its own weight, so much that residents in high rise government slum housing may soon have walk in apartments.

The last few chapters contained penciled in diagrams and maps the engineers scribbled on the back pages of the reports while being placed on hold for hours by the Nagin administration.

Officials in Louisiana have downplayed the report saying the huge text was nothing more than a coverup by FEMA, who refused to save the chocolate town when disaster struck.

A government official told residents today in a radio broadcast over WWL The Big 870, "they have nothing to fear but running out of beer," during the next hurricane which was in reference to FEMA's refusal to supply beer to the residents who were stuck in their attics during 95 degree temperatures.

"The government's job is to see to it that poor folks get what they need in times of emergencies and a cold one would certainly been good medicine for folks who had to spend the day fighting off mambo snakes," an aide to the Nagin legacy told reporters.

When asked by a reporter from FOX News, if this whole city of New Orleans quagmire isn't reminiscent of Rome burning while Nero fiddled, the aide screamed back that "It was FEMA, if one recalls, who did not send sufficient drivers in time to load up the buses and now they want to join forces with the Army Corps and befuddle us with a 6,000 page report. We have to move forward and forward is just around the corner."

Meanwhile another report was released today showing the polar ice caps were once a tropical vacation spot for early human-like primates since explorers recently discovered beach chairs, ice buckets and those funny little paper umbrellas that are so popular with tourist.

Nagin's office was looking into those rumors as their phones and computers were sinking in the mud.

11 comments:

onlineanalyst said...

According to the Weather Channel, Ray "Wonka" Nagin was caught up in a high-pressure wet front during Katrina. The plucky winner of a recent bid to retain his mayoralty feels that an all-expense-paid trip to Venice might help him to chill the next time disaster hits the Big Easy. He's currently working out a gondola-making deal with expertise offered by Ensign Sean Penn. Hurricane cups can be used for bailing water after the signature drink of the natives is quaffed.

Welfare offices have offered recipes for blackened mambo snake fillets so that the citizens are not reduced to cannabalism when Al Gore's Inconvenient Truth Hurricane Lallapalooza threatens the Crescent City this season.

"We will not let Chocolate Town descend into a Hershey Syrup® quagmire in 2006," Nagin vowed. "I've developed a thin candy shell to keep a world of hurt away from my feelings and to keep the glow on my dome so that the media know who is in charge here."

SGT USMC 1ea said...

This whole bring Nagin back thing is reminiscent of the Palestinians choosing Hamas to represent them. Self destructive.

Wonderfully written narrative good Lady. May the good Lord continue to grant you the ability to entertain and inspire.

Deus est Semper Fidelis

SGT USMC 1ea said...

OLA
Thin candy shell...Now that is funny!

Been there, done that on the Venice thing...That city is beautiful but shure does stink from all the wastes dumped straight into the water.

camojack said...

For re-electing Mr. "Chocolate City", the inhabitants of New Orleans deserve what they get...

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

Blackened Mambo snakes. Wow, that has always been a favorite of mine when traveling down New Orleans. I always finish off the meal with a cup of chickory coffee and a half dozen beignets.

As always, thanks for sdtopping by SGT USMC 1ea. Be sure to take a few beignets home with you.

MargeinMI said...

There were also circles and arrows on the back of the reports and a paragraph explaining each one. Then they had to pick up the trash.

Good one Ms! Also OLA--very funny!

Hawkeye® said...

If Ray Nagin was "befuddled", it's because he probably doesn't know how to read. At least that's how he comes off sounding to me... but then, who am I to judge? I didn't use those 200 buses to drive people to safety either!

Expertly crafted as always dear lady. Regards...

Kajun said...

What a coinsidence! Venice, Louisiana is where politicians who are past their usefulness in Louisiana, are banished to.

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

sung to the 200 bottles of beer song


200 buses to drive..........

MargeinMI said...

Good Morning, Ms. RW! Keep cool today......real cooooool. [backing up, crouching, snapping fingers]

Kajun said...

Marge

Watch that rear-view mirror!--Remember objects are closer than they appear.

Your mileage may vary.