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Friday, June 02, 2006
6,000 PAGE REPORT BEFUDDLES MAYOR NAGIN
WASHINGTON —A 6,000 page report was released today by the Army Corp of Engineers showing what happened, how it happened and who was responsible for the destruction of New Orleans last fall after Katrina destroyed the historic town while many residents sat watching the impending doom approach on the Weather Channel.
The report contained vast amounts of technical terms, such as corruption, incompetence, extortion, tom foolery and hypnotic trances, the later from watching the above mentioned weather channel.
Also included in the article was an alarming fact that the gulf town is sinking under its own weight, so much that residents in high rise government slum housing may soon have walk in apartments.
The last few chapters contained penciled in diagrams and maps the engineers scribbled on the back pages of the reports while being placed on hold for hours by the Nagin administration.
Officials in Louisiana have downplayed the report saying the huge text was nothing more than a coverup by FEMA, who refused to save the chocolate town when disaster struck.
A government official told residents today in a radio broadcast over WWL The Big 870, "they have nothing to fear but running out of beer," during the next hurricane which was in reference to FEMA's refusal to supply beer to the residents who were stuck in their attics during 95 degree temperatures.
"The government's job is to see to it that poor folks get what they need in times of emergencies and a cold one would certainly been good medicine for folks who had to spend the day fighting off mambo snakes," an aide to the Nagin legacy told reporters.
When asked by a reporter from FOX News, if this whole city of New Orleans quagmire isn't reminiscent of Rome burning while Nero fiddled, the aide screamed back that "It was FEMA, if one recalls, who did not send sufficient drivers in time to load up the buses and now they want to join forces with the Army Corps and befuddle us with a 6,000 page report. We have to move forward and forward is just around the corner."
Meanwhile another report was released today showing the polar ice caps were once a tropical vacation spot for early human-like primates since explorers recently discovered beach chairs, ice buckets and those funny little paper umbrellas that are so popular with tourist.
Nagin's office was looking into those rumors as their phones and computers were sinking in the mud.