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Tuesday, May 16, 2006
HILLARY CLINTON ANGERED OVER CASTRO'S WEALTH
NEW YORK/HAVANA--A unaimed source disclosed today that Senator Hillary Clinton D-N.Y., was extremely upset when she discovered this month's Forbes magazine reported that Fidel Castro's worth was in the area of $900 million.
Though Castro denied the report as backwash from a capitalist pig sewage lagoon and his, and we quote, "Monthly salary is only 900 Cuban pesos ($47) a month and his net worth is zero."
The Clinton wealth is just a little over 1 million dollars, which is not bad considering they came to the White House with no money and only a set of luggage from the Arkansas based Wal Mart.
"I taught him all I knew about cattle futures and land deals but I think he is holding out on me," Ms. Clinton said.
Castro was not as open as Clinton on how he garnered his extreme wealth but those close to Castro said he held a tight market on ‘53 Chevrolets and in order to acquire such, a peasant will have to sell his land, the first born and his burro.
In an extremely boring five hour speech Castro denied such wealth exists in Cuba and he has always been a role model for hunger and poverty.
Forbes reported that most of his holding are in overseas banks where bank presidents are offered the finest hand rolled cigars from Cuban tobacco,
Clinton said she often thought about investing in Cuban cigar futures but her husband Bill has been forbidden to have any cigars about the house.
"I realize that Castro has been in power since his leftist revolution in 1959 and we only started in 1992, but come on now, crunch the numbers, we should have at least $50 million of our constituents wealth by now" Clinton said
Castro has decreed that any Forbes Magazines in Cuba must be destroyed immediately or the reader of capitalist poppycock will be deported to Haiti, the only western hemisphere country poorer than Cuba.
"If they can prove that I have a bank account abroad, with $900 million, with $1 million, $500,000, $100,000 or $1 in it, I will resign," Castro said during his insipid four-hour broadcast.
Bill Clinton supposedly called Castro for an application blank for Premier of his country stating, "The old goat is going to die any day and heck, I can dig being ruler of a tropical island with all those dark skinned beauties."
An aide to Hillary announced she just might let him take the job but not to allow him a raft to come back on.