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Tuesday, May 16, 2006

HILLARY CLINTON ANGERED OVER CASTRO'S WEALTH


NEW YORK/HAVANA--A unaimed source disclosed today that Senator Hillary Clinton D-N.Y., was extremely upset when she discovered this month's Forbes magazine reported that Fidel Castro's worth was in the area of $900 million.

Though Castro denied the report as backwash from a capitalist pig sewage lagoon and his, and we quote, "Monthly salary is only 900 Cuban pesos ($47) a month and his net worth is zero."

The Clinton wealth is just a little over 1 million dollars, which is not bad considering they came to the White House with no money and only a set of luggage from the Arkansas based Wal Mart.

"I taught him all I knew about cattle futures and land deals but I think he is holding out on me," Ms. Clinton said.

Castro was not as open as Clinton on how he garnered his extreme wealth but those close to Castro said he held a tight market on ‘53 Chevrolets and in order to acquire such, a peasant will have to sell his land, the first born and his burro.

In an extremely boring five hour speech Castro denied such wealth exists in Cuba and he has always been a role model for hunger and poverty.

Forbes reported that most of his holding are in overseas banks where bank presidents are offered the finest hand rolled cigars from Cuban tobacco,

Clinton said she often thought about investing in Cuban cigar futures but her husband Bill has been forbidden to have any cigars about the house.

"I realize that Castro has been in power since his leftist revolution in 1959 and we only started in 1992, but come on now, crunch the numbers, we should have at least $50 million of our constituents wealth by now" Clinton said

Castro has decreed that any Forbes Magazines in Cuba must be destroyed immediately or the reader of capitalist poppycock will be deported to Haiti, the only western hemisphere country poorer than Cuba.

"If they can prove that I have a bank account abroad, with $900 million, with $1 million, $500,000, $100,000 or $1 in it, I will resign," Castro said during his insipid four-hour broadcast.

Bill Clinton supposedly called Castro for an application blank for Premier of his country stating, "The old goat is going to die any day and heck, I can dig being ruler of a tropical island with all those dark skinned beauties."

An aide to Hillary announced she just might let him take the job but not to allow him a raft to come back on.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks! An absolutely great load of laughs!! I loved it.
Mrs. Kajun

Maggie said...

Castro proves that money can't buy happiness.

Bob said...

To be great satire, the idea must be believable. I can actually hear Mrs. Clinton word for word! Great post.
By the way, I was born in Sioux City, and my father used to sell life insurance to farmeres around Cherokee. I now live in Colorado. visit my blog.

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

Bob, I peeked over at your post. Seems like you have that family love thing happening. Keep it up, you got good Iowa blood in you.

Mrs

Sometimes when I finish a story I sit back and say--"I like this one," and that I did

MargeinMI said...

"So sorry Bill, no cigar."

onlineanalyst said...

When Castro finished his fireside chat, did he conclude, "And you can take that to the bank!"? Sugar futures fell radically on the market when Cuba's bearded wonder failed to sugar-coat his message.

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

onlineanalyst

Fireside chat? jeesh. I think everytime he speaks, the devil himself stokes the fires up a bit more.

To bad (truly) they will roast him someday also.

camojack said...

Just for that, I'll smoke a genuine (contraband) Cuban cigar this weekend.

Well, actually, I was going to anyway...

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

camojacksend me one and I'll have a (1) puff also. I'll just stuff it in my corncob pipe and sit out on the porch just a jaw'n

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Ms. RightWing, Ink said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

why would someone put a theroy in hairwax???

camojack said...

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...
camojacksend me one and I'll have a (1) puff also. I'll just stuff it in my corncob pipe and sit out on the porch just a jaw'n


Sure. Soon's I get those WFCCC's...