BOSTON--Was the vanishing storm clouds coincidental or was there a dastardly Right Wing attempt on the life of a respected Democratic leader as sudden lightning bolts riveted his private jet, destroying the electronic navigational equipment.
With the radar showing clear skies, Ted Kennedy D-Ma, boarded his Cessna Citation 550 Saturday after giving a commencement address at the little known Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts in North Adams, a small burg in western Massachusetts known for its numerous taverns.
Twenty minutes after his jet took off approximately 13 bolts of lightning simultaneously struck his plane causing it to veer out off its flight plan and forcing the pilot to ditch the aircraft into a cow pasture where the Cessna ended up sinking into a deep river at the far end of the feild.
The Federal Aviation Administration filed a preliminary report yesterday concerning the numerous holes burned through the cockpit of the expensive jet but officials discovered much of the damage was due to exploding scotch bottles strewn around the passenger area.
Kennedy told news reporters that the skies were calm as his dear old mothers voice when suddenly the fires of hell itself opened up and blew the Cessna to the ground.
"The exploding Chivas Regal bottles were merely caused by a decompression in the passenger compartment, not as many would suspect, an excess of drinking aboard the plane," Kennedy said.
Several witnesses on the ground reported the clear skies suddenly darkened and a Heavenly finger shot what appeared to be bolts of lightening towards the private jet and just as quickly the clouds disappeared and the sun returned.
The curse of the Kennedy Family has been the discussion on numerous weekend news programs as the First Family of Disaster once again plastered the headlines of national papers with allegations of Patrick Kennedy's D–R.I.,drunk driving, recreational use of sleeping pills and lies to the American public.
Recent polls say 92 percent of Americans would refuse a ride in any vehicle by any Kennedy because of the so called Kennedy Curse.
"The idea of me drinking to an excess last weekend is preposterous. Nothing is further from the truth, it was a missile attack from Air Force 1, that nearly downed my jet." Kennedy said.
In a Sunday morning interview on Beat The Press, Kennedy attempted to described the secret Finger Missiles now being tested over civilian territory and how the Right Wing sector of our government has a price on his forehead.
The rest of the interview was incoherent as he rambled on about Nixon, the price of gas, alligators that are now attacking humans in large quantities and phone calls being monitored in the White House.
As of press time no female bodies have been found in the wreckage.
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