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Monday, May 15, 2006

TED KENNEDY RENEWS THE FAMILY CURSE WHEN HIS PRIVATE JET CRASHES

BOSTON--Was the vanishing storm clouds coincidental or was there a dastardly Right Wing attempt on the life of a respected Democratic leader as sudden lightning bolts riveted his private jet, destroying the electronic navigational equipment.

With the radar showing clear skies, Ted Kennedy D-Ma, boarded his Cessna Citation 550 Saturday after giving a commencement address at the little known Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts in North Adams, a small burg in western Massachusetts known for its numerous taverns.

Twenty minutes after his jet took off approximately 13 bolts of lightning simultaneously struck his plane causing it to veer out off its flight plan and forcing the pilot to ditch the aircraft into a cow pasture where the Cessna ended up sinking into a deep river at the far end of the feild.

The Federal Aviation Administration filed a preliminary report yesterday concerning the numerous holes burned through the cockpit of the expensive jet but officials discovered much of the damage was due to exploding scotch bottles strewn around the passenger area.

Kennedy told news reporters that the skies were calm as his dear old mothers voice when suddenly the fires of hell itself opened up and blew the Cessna to the ground.

"The exploding Chivas Regal bottles were merely caused by a decompression in the passenger compartment, not as many would suspect, an excess of drinking aboard the plane," Kennedy said.

Several witnesses on the ground reported the clear skies suddenly darkened and a Heavenly finger shot what appeared to be bolts of lightening towards the private jet and just as quickly the clouds disappeared and the sun returned.

The curse of the Kennedy Family has been the discussion on numerous weekend news programs as the First Family of Disaster once again plastered the headlines of national papers with allegations of Patrick Kennedy's D–R.I.,drunk driving, recreational use of sleeping pills and lies to the American public.

Recent polls say 92 percent of Americans would refuse a ride in any vehicle by any Kennedy because of the so called Kennedy Curse.

"The idea of me drinking to an excess last weekend is preposterous. Nothing is further from the truth, it was a missile attack from Air Force 1, that nearly downed my jet." Kennedy said.

In a Sunday morning interview on Beat The Press, Kennedy attempted to described the secret Finger Missiles now being tested over civilian territory and how the Right Wing sector of our government has a price on his forehead.

The rest of the interview was incoherent as he rambled on about Nixon, the price of gas, alligators that are now attacking humans in large quantities and phone calls being monitored in the White House.

As of press time no female bodies have been found in the wreckage.

14 comments:

boberin said...

No bodys? That's a step in the right direction. One of 12 steps the boy should take (in his case as many as 24 steps may be required)
Good stuff MS. glad to see you back in the game!

onlineanalyst said...

The accompanying photo led me to believe that Shamu himself went down into the drink (in more ways than one).

I would imagine that those on the plane heard many a Kennedy curse when that bolt from the blue struck.

It cracks me up that Senator Blowhard would fly that brief distance from the commencement site to his destination. The distance being not all that great, you would think he could conserve a little on the fuel by allowing a driver to deliver him instead of a plane. Or do "important people" play by different rules?

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

onlineanalyst

You bet they play by their own rules. That one turdhead Kennedy always goes on the Shawn Henndy show and rails against SUV's but flys in his own jet.

As far as wind power, of which Teddy has plenty, the machines in his backyard--no way jose.

Maggie said...

Water....water everywhere....and the plane almost went into the drink.Maybe the ghost of MaryJo was lurkin nearby.

Really....I am trying my best to come up with one ounce of concern...really....

camojack said...

"As of press time no female bodies have been found in the wreckage."

Well, with Edward having the experience of decades of practice at cover-ups now, I'm not surprised...

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

eeew, Maggie such tough words for our respected blovaitor


camojack

but where did he hide them??????

MargeinMI said...

Tape recovered from the black box revealed panic in the pilot's voice as the plane went down, "Mayday, mayday. This is Teddy 666 calling ground control."

Only 13 bolts of lightning?

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

margeinmi

13 bolts would bring one man to his knees. God figured 13 was necessary.

Maybe He thought Teddy would get a Damascus experience and become St. Teddy

Hawkeye® said...

"it was a missile attack from Air Force 1"... heh-heh!

Don't forget, GWB flew fighter planes. If if was me, I'd take the shot.

(:D)

Hawkeye® said...

"if if"? ...Sheesh.

Hawkeye® said...

BTW, Check out Sacred Cow Burgers HERE.

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

ha! Hawkeye you hit it right on the nose with the Sacred Cow. I should of put one more paragraph about the young Kennedy sitting on the fence drinking a little scotch when whamo--he was hit by his uncle's jet. How ironic!

camojack said...

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...
camojack
but where did he hide them??????


Where else? Underwater, of course...like always.

Kajun said...

"electronic navagational equipment" You mean sonar, don't you?