P.T. Barnum Brings Back The Sucker Factor For The Oscars

Sorry folks. I know this is a throwback but my archives are not the same without it. I erased it when Iwas 403'ed, thinking I was censored. Pay no mind, a new blog will return

Let the circus begin. In less than 24 hours the Oscars roll out the big top and ABC, in cooperation with Barnum & Baily Circus, will present more illusionists, dancing girls and clowns than ever before seen on the Great American Glowing Tube.

Just as P.T. Barnum attempted to spoof the nation with his 160 year-old slave, so shall Holly-Jollywood try to fool us with gay cowboys and gender confused promenading fools. It took a daring producer to try and kill the last American hero, the cowboy and now, more than ever, mothers will not allow their sons to grow up to be cowboys.

If one has the stomach to tune in tomorrow then pray the cameras will reveal the truth to the he paying public. Just as producer Ang Lee thought he had America swooning like two caballeros in a malt shop, here comes the spoilers of the victory–the animal right freaks.

Yup, you got it, PETA and other mutant avengers will be protesting horrifying fact that the sheep may have been abused during the filming of Crackerjack Mountain. Ahh, my good friends, you say this sure is some awesome satire, but nay, it seems the sheep have been walking around the range like they have developed a nasty rash. Similarly the deer and the antelope are doing very little roaming as of late.

Likewise the screenplay writers for the Mountain are pretty bad losers, but that means very little to the liberals on the hill. Larry McMurtry has not found a nomination coming his way since, oh, let's say 1971 for The Last Picture Show, and do we mean the last. And what joker gave the lead star a name like Ennis. Is this poetry gone wild. His swooning life mate amongst the sheep has a name Jack Twist. Related to Oliver?

Assistant screenwriter Diana Ossana has no credits to her name that this famed writer could find, but the addition of a female writer surely kept the boys from cranking off outright porn.

And as a final note, what were the uppity dorks who name-names thinking when they dumped John Stewart behind the mike. There will be no nap time for the poor men and women who control the bleep button. Oh what I wouldn't give to return to the days when just a simple millisecond of breast agonized the watchers of the super bowl.

So this is my count. Eight out of twenty-four categories (all big categories) are Chokeback Mountain, throw in a few Transsexual Americans and you have nearly half of them gay. Sorry but animation and documentary just couldn't sneak in a gun toatin gay-boy flick. The Chronicles of Narnia, which ran circles around Chokeback's numbers received three minor nominations and may I add, none are running up against the "Agenda," film. Capote scored the same as King Kong. So are gay writers are as bad as new gorilla remakes?

So let the drama queens have their big night. May all the delightful gay boys design the ugly clothes for the anemic women and God forbid the sheep get lose at the Kodak Theater.