Removing Bogeyman Added To Patriot Act

With boxing gloves removed the House finally approved the much debated Patriot Act by a thin margin of 280 to 138, just two votes above the number needed to move the bill to President Bush's desk.

White House officials said the President will sign it before tomorrow's deadline preventing both a dreadful collapse of our national security and most important of all a chance to shake a few more liberals from the tree.

Several parts of the Patriot Act were hotly contested, including the provision that allowed FBI officials to work behind library check out desks bestowing them power to examine books taken from the library and to instruct unruly visitors to hush up.

Additional pork was added to the act including a law allowing West Virginia to install billboards of Sen Byrd waiving to Yankees as they cross their borders.

The provision creating the most contention among congressman was the Bogeyman Bill.

Brought to the floor by Harry Reid, D-Nev, the bill will protect children from the lurking terrorist often referred to as Bogeyman, as well as help grownups who find it hard to sleep at night in fear of The Living Dead, The Creature From The Black Lagoon or The Man From Planet X.

"You can talk all day about Al-Qaeda, bin Laden, Iranian nuclear missiles and weapons of mass destruction but if you don't fight off the flesh eating terrorist that crawl through dark, foggy Kentucky swamps or things that live under your beds, then we have done little or nothing for the American people," Reid said.

Ted Kennedy D-Ma, and Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y. threatened the mother of all filibusters if this section was not included in Patriot Act II, so several Republican leaders backed down.

"We must once and for all stop fuzz bunny terrorist and closet monsters," Clinton said. "Then and then only will we be free."