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Thursday, April 06, 2006

360 Million Year Old Fish Found To Be The Missing Link


A research team led by paleontologist Neil H. Shubin of the University of Chicago and Edward B. Daeschler of Philadelphia's Academy of Natural Sciences discovered the fossil of a fish that roamed about nearly 360 million years before the earth was formed.

The carp like monster was stumbled upon by mistake in the windblown Arctic wilderness of Canada's Ellesmere Island, about 600 miles from the North Pole.

"We are not sure what we have on our hands but it is the strangest looking fish you ever saw," said the academy's resident genius.

A computer generated model [pictured above] shows the creature could swim like a fish or get up on its hind fins and dance till it dropped.

The team dubbed it Tiktaalik roseae . "Tiktaalik" is an Inuktitut word for "large, shallow water fish," and Shubin said "roseae" refers to one of the patrons of the project who wants to remain anonymous because he knows this will set mankind's mindset back nearly 50 million years.

"It is amazing once you start to look at this, it wore a pair of size nine alligator shoes, lurked about in the mud and had gills to run and hide in the water when Adam and Eve tried to find it so they could give it a name," said the anonymous genius.

Scientist believe this to be the missing link showing fish roamed the universe before God had time to sit down and create an earth.

Many masters of high thinking believe the fish came to earth, got stuck in primordial ooze and was forced to pull itself up by the bootstraps and move on to better pools of water where it likely mated with frogs who in turn turned into humans.

"How else do you explain man's desire to dance, the more primitive, the more he dances," the scientist said in a telephone interview with RightWing News, Ink.

Carbon dating was performed on Tiktaalik roseae as astonished bystanders gasped in horror as the scientist spun the big wheel and the gauge rang several bells, whistled and landed on 360 million years.

"You Christians laugh at our carbon dating but I swear upon it. Why just this morning I threw out the coffee after I put it on the Mark III Dyno Dater Carbon Machine and it said it was nearly 45 thousand years old. No wonder it tasted nasty," said Elsmere Piles, respected Genius at the Mt. Everest School of Higher Learning.

Scientist believe the river that Tik loved so much dried up after Global Warming VII, causing it to follow the Northern Star, which God just invented, and therefore ended up in the arctic.

"You could tell it was cold because of the blue fossilized fish lips, and likely that is what killed him, that is unless an Eskimo ate him," Piles said.

15 comments:

camojack said...

Something's fishy about this...

SGT USMC 1ea said...

Was it dancing to "And it swam & it swam all over the dam"?

MargeinMI said...

Thanks for clearing up yet another mystery, Ms. RW! If RightWing News had it's own TV show, it would quickly put CNN, MSNBC and Fox out of business!

JAINPHX said...

Finally,an explaination for hilldabeast

onlineanalyst said...

Ah, if only those fish lips could talk, but I don't think that this creature had "evolved" into developing language skills yet. Doing the sandy shuffle was the extent of its repertoire.

MargeinMI said...

Are you sure that's a fish? Kinda looks like a guy I dated in high school.

JAINPHX said...

I think I dated his sister

onlineanalyst said...

Wasn't there a movie once called It Came from Beneath the Sea? That reconstructed fossil looks like Babe the Blue Wide-Mouthed Bass-Flounder except that it has two eyes.

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

onlineanalyst

Are you thinking of 20 Thousand Little Leagues Under The Sea?

Hawkeye® said...

This guy was one of those fish-men from "Star Wars: Episode 1" that crash-landed on Earth about 360 million years ago. That' my story and I'm stickin' with it.

Kajun said...

Elesmere Piles was given a Grant to study fish, but he spent all 50 of the buck on Preparation H [R mark].

Kajun said...

bucks

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

kajun

You have to understand, it is hard to study when you need Preperation H

Kajun said...

I didn't find a link in the article; either.