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Thursday, April 27, 2006

CONELRAD WILL LIKELY REPLACE FEMA

WASHINGTON--As demands for the abolishment of the Federal Emergency Management Administration (FEMA) are called for by a Senate Panel, a private think has proposed a renewal of older technology to alert Americans of impending disasters, school closings and locations of cheap gas.

Throughout the cold war all a citizen had to do was find the magical triangle on the radio dial and everything they needed to know in order to protect themselves from being killed by Russian bombers was at their fingertips.

Conelrad ( Control Of Electromagnetic Radiation) was implemented by Harry S. Truman in 1951 and required selected medium wave radio stations (AM) on the frequencies of 640 and 1240 to broadcast the location of bombers so everyone could scurry to their bomb shelters or die.

The newly formed i-Institute of Futuristic Think Tanking recommended the implementation of Conelrad once again and giving it a modern abbreviation meaning to "Control of Dumb Nasty Egregious Remarks."

All citizens with a valid Social Security number and two forms of pictured ID would be able to pick up a pastel colored AM / FM radio with the standard Civil Defense markings placed firmly on a hand tune dial.

Children will be taught in school how to turn a radio dial as well how to duck and roll onto a school bus in case of impending hurricanes.

The Republican controlled congress said they would agree with new proposal only if Air America was not allowed to be near either triangular Civil Defense station.

In the case of a severe disaster people living within a government designated zone could press an additional button on the back of the radio where upon a cash card would be dispensed so victims could get their nails done, buy shiny rims for their cars or go to Aruba to relax and calm their nerves.

Conelrad was replaced in 1963 by the Emergency Broadcast System which requires listners to obey directives during high pitch testing and also allows pets to become frightened and urinate all over the rug.

12 comments:

boberin said...

Place your head firmly between your knees and kiss your...ah, never mind, that won't help!
Funny stuff Ms!

boberin said...

Ms, what? Nobody loves you? Oh well, pour me another cup and pass the wfccc please.

Hawkeye® said...

Speak for yourself boberin! You know we ALL love Ms RW. So there...

Oh, and by the way, have you started building your underground bomb shelter yet? ...Now donning on my WWI vintage white helmet that says Civil Defense on it, and putting blankets over my windows at night time.

boberin said...

Hawkeye, don't forget to line the shelter with tin foil!

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

boberin

everybody loves me except for those Saani or whatever they were martial arts dudes. Whew.

Hope FEMA doesn't shut me down

boberin said...

I know that! Just joshin' a bit.

And you had better keep en eye out for those black helicopters.

Maggie said...

Ms Right Wing,
Your post todayis a 'Blast From the Past'.BTW...I love you.

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

maggie

Thanks.

I thought it was da bomb
Randy Jackson

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

You all know what is neat. There are a zillion Shelly Cafe's out there but when you google it, guess what!

Our juke joint is top dawg

I suppose that is how that karati dude found me--looking for the menu?

eh, maybe it will someday be America's number one blog

Maggie said...

I think I dated Conel Rad in highschool.

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

Egads not Conel Rad, oh that's bad. He was sad, but now I know that--I am glad

camojack said...

Speakin' of WFCCC's...