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Saturday, April 08, 2006

Scientists May Have Found Proof That Shakesphere Never Existed

Rational NeoGraphics Magazine revealed today they have one-uped their competitor, National Geographics by proving through a word-per-word analysis that Judas Iscariot, not William Shakespeare, composed Midsummer Night's Dream, Romeo and Juliet and likely penned the sixty-six act play, King James.

According to ancient manuscripts called Divinci's Coptic Camel Code, that was found crumbling away in an old menu in the Gaza Strip Coffee Delight Cafe thirty-six years ago, Judas was a lively writer who not only spoke, Greek, Hebrew, Italian and Egyptian, but also understood Greek tragedy as well as Jewish comedy.

In one of the Coptic Camel Code biographical texts called, "Judas Priest, Did I Really Say That", the author, who claims to be Judas Iscariot said he just wanted to have fun so in the later part of the King James play, he created this Messiah guy who fell in love with the world and when he realized the world didn't love him he contacted Friar Lawrence, a dabbler in herbal medicines and potions, took a swig and put himself in a death-like coma.

Experts discovered the same identical words, and a character named Friar Lawrence in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet nearly 1,500 years later, leading many to believe Shakespeare was a fraud who may not existed at all.

Theodore Lightloafers, a theater critic for The Paris Monthly said the guild is all a buzz and the fear is if this proves to be true it may cause anxiety and dissension in many theater worshipers.

"Because Judas would have to be three hundred years old at the time of the writing we believe this certainly cannot be the same guy," Lightloafers said.

When asked at a press conference if he thought Judas could have composed the play, King James Bible, Lightloafers said, "Now that may take some thinking, it is possible though, since he did speak the Kings English quite fluently, but not Romeo or Midsummer, that just can't be."

Judas also wrote in his biography that at the end of the Messiah chapters of King James, members of a tough street gang called The Disciples 12 are unsure whether what they have seen is real, or whether they have woken up after having shared the same dream.

Theater critics often said what Shakespeare wanted to make clear is the theater is nothing more than a shared dream.

Scientists and other genius type people are going to present the similarities of Judas and Shakespeare in a 15 hour long documentary on Public Television right after the Sesame Street production entitled Big Bird and The Stone Throwers on Easter Sunday.

"I think the passion of Shakespeare being called a fraud is going to resonate through the faithful of the ticket holders, heaven forbid our faith in the theater could be crushed by some dried up parchment found in an old Jewish menu," Lightloafers said.

13 comments:

SGT USMC 1ea said...

Ms RW you are truly a continuing inspiration. The comparison is so beautiful in that if you used the same rules to validate historocity of Shakespeare (400 years ago) that you use to critique the Bible then the Bible(2000 years ago) would come out on pretty good footing. Our God is an awesome God who can keep scripture how he wants it. After all he created the world on which the papyrus it is written on exists- right!

Deus est Semper Fidelis

onlineanalyst said...

Ingenious! And funny!

I think that I caught some of that Judas schtick up in the Catskills before Milton Berle stole it.

Who knows? Judas may have hit a Homer-run with the Iliad and The Odyssey, too.

Barb said...

Judas Priest ,I was afraid you were going to say the Diciples 12 sang the Messiah. Now that would have been a miracle!!

onlineanalyst said...

Speaking of Shakespeare: Did you ever see the Shakespearean Insult Site? It's a hoot.
http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/

JAINPHX said...

Very funny you hit this one out of the park

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

aw gee, it is all in a day's work. It isn't the newspaper but I'm glad to be back swingin' and hitting a few [and missin' a bunch too]

onlineanalyst

I'll check out that site Sunday. I need my beauty sleeep

camojack said...

This may be your best work thus far...good "investigative reporting".

MargeinMI said...

Gee, Ms. RW, I just can't decide which I like more: Your satire, folk stories or inspirational writings--you're so good at all of 'em!

Judas Priest, what a dilema!

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

MargeinMI

This is the place to come for the "you will never know what to expect next," commentary.

Camo

Your kudos, as always are welcome. You know how it goes when the inspiration hits, you fall to the floor, foam at the mouth, pick yourself back up and, kaboom, there it 'tis.

onlineanalyst said...

"To be...or not to be." Will Shakespeare (via Hamlet)

JAINPHX said...

Ettu Judas

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

Ettu--hetu but not metu

camojack said...

Ms. RightWing, Ink:
Yes, I do know how it goes...and that foaming at the mouth part is damned inconvenient, in addition to being rather untidy.