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Tuesday, April 25, 2006

TOP NEWS STORIES FOR TUESDAY APRIL 25

AGING ROCK STAR TRIES HARD TO BE HEARD

The 61 year-old singer, Neil Percival Kenneth Robert Ragland Young, commonly referred to as Neil Young, one time singer with the Buffalo Springfield and anti-war relic from the VietNam era is trying to draw his career out of the slippery slopes of being an unheard of singer to the Hip Hop, thud, thud, tone-deaf young Americans.

In fear of being the old man in his 1972 hit song "Old Man," Young has finished recording a new song he hopes will resonate with the new generation of confused, dorky unwashed and mentally confused youth wandering the streets of Large City America.

"It was pretty cool," Young said of his just completed recording. "One hundred union background singers stood up and applauded after we finished."

The union members were then given Impeach Bush bumper stickers for their hard work.

Young said he sort of liked George Bush once, but soon lost favor soon after 9/11 when Bush stole the limelight away from Hollywood for several months afterwards.

"You see 9/11 was their 9/11 and my 9/11 and Hollywood's 9/11 and the gay's 9/11, it sort of reminds me of a remake of Woody Guthrie's classic song, This Land Is Your Land."

This 9/11 is your 9/11, this 9/11 is my 9/11
From the airplane crashes to the twin towers falling
from the video tape repeats I find it appalling
That Bush thinks 9/11 was made for him.

Young later told RightWing News, Ink, that he is recalling a million copies of his just released album for two reasons, first he wanted to put his new Guthrie style song on it and second of all, he forgot nobody has a stereo that plays LP's anymore.

"Duh, what was I thinking," Young said.


In further news

GEORGE BUSH'S APPROVAL RATING DROPS

HARTFORD, Conn. --A Hartford Courant/Connecticut poll shows that President Bush's job approval rating has dropped to 24 percent among Connecticut residents.

This shocking poll release shows hatred is brewing among highly paid liberal executives who hit on a poll button linked to an Internet copy of the Courant.

Analyst expert Phil Ontopofthetree said the sudden decline in the poll numbers is over the price of gas the liberals must pay when filling their SUV's that they hate, but love.

Earlier polls show Courant readers held his approval record at 24.5 percent.

"This half point plunge can spell the end of his legacy," said Ontopofthetree.



GEORGE BUSH HALTS STRATEGIC PETROLEUM RESERVES

WASHINGTON -- President Bush, after reading his poll numbers dropped to 24 percent in Connecticut due to the high price of gasoline, ordered the Justice Department today to investigate price gouging of Snicker bars in quickie mart style gas stations, halted deposits to the nation's Strategic Petroleum Reserve over the summer, destroyed insane environmental laws and urged Congress to roll over and die.

Analysts said halting the deposits to the Strategic Reserve will do little or nothing to help ease the problem since America hasn't built a refinery in the last 75 years (or so).

The oil will sit in rail cars, so the president is trying to do the next best thing and that is bringing the price of a Snickers Bar back to a nickel.

Wal Mart officials say if that is the case they will reduce their Snickers to four cents, which in turn caused K-Mart to reduce the price of their generic Snickers to two cents.

"It is good to see free enterprise at work," said Neal E Wourm, assistant economics professor at the Morton Salt Jr College.

"As far as the roll over and die comment, I have no idea what is going through the mad man's mind. I heard talk about an impeachment album soon to be released, guess that will just have to be our shining moment in a dark presidency," Wourm said.

13 comments:

Hawkeye® said...

"Old Man" Young, eh?

"roll over and die"? ...ROFL!

Great stuff as always, Ms. RW.

Regards (:D)

camojack said...

Neil Young...the boy never could sing.

As for the oil situation, perhaps we'll see some action on the ANWR scenario soon...

SGT USMC 1ea said...

From "Old Man"
I've been first and last
Look at how the time goes past.
But I'm all alone at last.

Yes you are prescient Neil!

How about some Neil Diamond instead:
Money talks
But it don't sing and dance
And it don't walk.

From "Reverend Bluejeans" or something like that.

I think I still have a dusty old record player somewhere.

Deus est Semper Fidelis

MargeinMI said...

Does Whiney Neil Yound do one of those famous one note guitar solos on his new l.p.?

I was so very glad when CSN dropped him!

WSJ had an excellent editorial yesterday about 'price gouging' and who's really doing it. Seems government taxes (at all levels), and ethanol subsidies have more to do with it than Big Oil making 'obscene' profits. If we're soooooo dependent, make it monopoly/government run business like electric (used to be). Then the taxpayers could be charged (raped) for the environmental costs of building new refineries and bringing business back home. [not sure if I'm kidding about this or not!]

You're on a roll Ms.! Feeling chipper today?

SGT USMC 1ea said...

Oh great, I went to the shower and was singing "Old Man" when the stinking lyrics to "YMCA" popped into my head:

Young man, there's no need to feel down.
I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground.

Thanks a lot Ms RW now that garbage will be stuck in my head all day!

I owe, I owe
so off to work I go.

Jesu est Semper Fidelis

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

ow gee, now I will get blamed for the price of gas--of which I never seemed to run out of--pass the rolaids.

I always kinda liked the Neil Young song about sitting in a burned out basement, or my all time favorite, Two (or was it three) Dead In Ohio.

I remember going to their concert at Kent State after the shooting-- -then a few months later Frank Zappa.

Oh dear, where was my head

boberin said...

Ms, nice piece. It will come as no surprise that Neil is one of my all time favorite artists (Steely Dan is #1, now Donald Fagan) and Neils album that came out about 2 months ago is one of his best. Sadly I have yet to hear from this latest effort, no doubt will agree with some of the message and some not so much. Nope he can sing a lick, didn't stop him from making about 25 albums, many of them good.
Margie, hate to break it to you but the CSN&Y tour hits Phila in July, be near you soon.

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

boberin

Their was a time I liked Neil, but his voice was always a little strange. But for many years I think he lost his voice. Free speech is great but isn't an album about impeaching a president a bit much

I never liked Clinton, but to waste energy cutting an album that wasn't satire. Well, we all gotta make a living somehow

Maggie said...

Neil Young is no Boxcar Willy.

Barb said...

But nobody else can do "Heart of Gold" or "Four Strong Winds " as Neil did. I just love the way he whined those songs. And the harmony was great. On FSW's his voice just sounded like that North wind on a cold night ,that finds a little crack in the storm window, you all know that sound.And I still like some of that really old stuff ,Crosby ,Young ,Fidel Gnash ,Algore ,all those guys did.

Barb said...

I forgot Stills and Mirra.

Barb said...

I don't happen to be acquainted with Phil Ontopofthetree. I did meet his Chinese half brother Hung, they had the same Dad . It 's a good thing ,Hung's other half brother is Neil Young,they have the same mother.

camojack said...

Barb:
Actually, I do a fair impression of his whine.