Duke University Braces For A Large Fight

A bitter fight got underway this afternoon outside the chancellor's office of Duke University in Raleigh, N.C. as thousands gathered around a stage with filled with microphones.

One would suppose the battleground was concentrated on the lacrosse players who took time out from their busy schedule to watch a battered African-American woman dance in their frat house, causing a rather nasty confirmation when the battered woman claimed to be battered and raped a second time by the "white men" with no DNA.

But instead the battle in Raleigh is between two tired, worn out civil rights leaders who see dollars ready to be made by playing the race card, but the question is; who will get to the microphone first, Reverend Al Sharpton or Reverend Jesse Jackson.

In a recent interview with RightWing News, Ink, Jackson told reporters that he and he alone has the scoop on this increasingly bizarre story.

"History can't help but loom large over this case," Jackson said. "It is particularly horrible that these white men hired a battered black woman to strip for them proving my point--that history proves them guilty."

Jackson went into a long tirade about slavery, white masters and plantation owners forcing battered black women to dance behind the tobacco barn where the white women weren't allowed to go.

With his moustache beginning to quiver, Jackson started to defend the dancer saying, "Those rich white boys fantasy is as old as our country and all they had in mind was impregnating her like a cheap slave girl."

Records taken from Rent-A-Stripper show the boys never asked for an African-American stripper, but instead wanted Maureen The Dancing Queen but discovered she was busy that night.

Maureen states in her ad that she has just came to Raleigh from Sweden, is six foot three and has blond hair. Obviously that is the type of girl a lacrosse players needs, but instead, got the battered woman as a last minute fill in.

The Reverend Al Sharpton took the case in an entirely different direction and demanded to know why the white boys didn't have DNA. "This is shocking, a whole frat house attacks this innocent girl, who was in need of medical help, but instead, beats and rapes her, throws her into the street covered with feces and yet leaves no DNA, " Sharpton said.

Security cameras around the frat house clearly shows bruises, cuts, lacerations and dog bites on the stripper when she entered the house, raising questions of credibility.

Also, RightWing News, Ink discovered the lead prosecutor is up for reelection soon and allowing the rich white boys to go free would promise a sure defeat in his district, which comprises of a large black population.

Raising his fists in the air and throwing his suit jacket to the ground, Sharpton argues that this is his case and any vultures who believes this trial is their meat and potatoes had better move on.

"These rich kids never had to wash dishes in a dirty restaurant, never had to sweat in a gymnasium shooting baskets with hopes of being selected to play professionally in order to feed their children, or have any idea what it is to plead for a college education, now think they can run havoc through my self-impossed legal system, well it ain't gonna happen and you can take that to the bank, " Sharpton said in a three hour press conference.

Supporters of the two boys said that is exactly where the dancer is headed for, the bank, as she will decide, with a cash advancement by the two lawyers, who she is going to allow to take the case.

"I know that DNA is in there somewhere and I'm here to find it said," Sharpton said.