Scientists May Have Found Proof That Shakesphere Never Existed

Rational NeoGraphics Magazine revealed today they have one-uped their competitor, National Geographics by proving through a word-per-word analysis that Judas Iscariot, not William Shakespeare, composed Midsummer Night's Dream, Romeo and Juliet and likely penned the sixty-six act play, King James.

According to ancient manuscripts called Divinci's Coptic Camel Code, that was found crumbling away in an old menu in the Gaza Strip Coffee Delight Cafe thirty-six years ago, Judas was a lively writer who not only spoke, Greek, Hebrew, Italian and Egyptian, but also understood Greek tragedy as well as Jewish comedy.

In one of the Coptic Camel Code biographical texts called, "Judas Priest, Did I Really Say That", the author, who claims to be Judas Iscariot said he just wanted to have fun so in the later part of the King James play, he created this Messiah guy who fell in love with the world and when he realized the world didn't love him he contacted Friar Lawrence, a dabbler in herbal medicines and potions, took a swig and put himself in a death-like coma.

Experts discovered the same identical words, and a character named Friar Lawrence in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet nearly 1,500 years later, leading many to believe Shakespeare was a fraud who may not existed at all.

Theodore Lightloafers, a theater critic for The Paris Monthly said the guild is all a buzz and the fear is if this proves to be true it may cause anxiety and dissension in many theater worshipers.

"Because Judas would have to be three hundred years old at the time of the writing we believe this certainly cannot be the same guy," Lightloafers said.

When asked at a press conference if he thought Judas could have composed the play, King James Bible, Lightloafers said, "Now that may take some thinking, it is possible though, since he did speak the Kings English quite fluently, but not Romeo or Midsummer, that just can't be."

Judas also wrote in his biography that at the end of the Messiah chapters of King James, members of a tough street gang called The Disciples 12 are unsure whether what they have seen is real, or whether they have woken up after having shared the same dream.

Theater critics often said what Shakespeare wanted to make clear is the theater is nothing more than a shared dream.

Scientists and other genius type people are going to present the similarities of Judas and Shakespeare in a 15 hour long documentary on Public Television right after the Sesame Street production entitled Big Bird and The Stone Throwers on Easter Sunday.

"I think the passion of Shakespeare being called a fraud is going to resonate through the faithful of the ticket holders, heaven forbid our faith in the theater could be crushed by some dried up parchment found in an old Jewish menu," Lightloafers said.