TOP NEWS STORIES FOR TUESDAY APRIL 25

AGING ROCK STAR TRIES HARD TO BE HEARD

The 61 year-old singer, Neil Percival Kenneth Robert Ragland Young, commonly referred to as Neil Young, one time singer with the Buffalo Springfield and anti-war relic from the VietNam era is trying to draw his career out of the slippery slopes of being an unheard of singer to the Hip Hop, thud, thud, tone-deaf young Americans.

In fear of being the old man in his 1972 hit song "Old Man," Young has finished recording a new song he hopes will resonate with the new generation of confused, dorky unwashed and mentally confused youth wandering the streets of Large City America.

"It was pretty cool," Young said of his just completed recording. "One hundred union background singers stood up and applauded after we finished."

The union members were then given Impeach Bush bumper stickers for their hard work.

Young said he sort of liked George Bush once, but soon lost favor soon after 9/11 when Bush stole the limelight away from Hollywood for several months afterwards.

"You see 9/11 was their 9/11 and my 9/11 and Hollywood's 9/11 and the gay's 9/11, it sort of reminds me of a remake of Woody Guthrie's classic song, This Land Is Your Land."

This 9/11 is your 9/11, this 9/11 is my 9/11
From the airplane crashes to the twin towers falling
from the video tape repeats I find it appalling
That Bush thinks 9/11 was made for him.

Young later told RightWing News, Ink, that he is recalling a million copies of his just released album for two reasons, first he wanted to put his new Guthrie style song on it and second of all, he forgot nobody has a stereo that plays LP's anymore.

"Duh, what was I thinking," Young said.


In further news

GEORGE BUSH'S APPROVAL RATING DROPS

HARTFORD, Conn. --A Hartford Courant/Connecticut poll shows that President Bush's job approval rating has dropped to 24 percent among Connecticut residents.

This shocking poll release shows hatred is brewing among highly paid liberal executives who hit on a poll button linked to an Internet copy of the Courant.

Analyst expert Phil Ontopofthetree said the sudden decline in the poll numbers is over the price of gas the liberals must pay when filling their SUV's that they hate, but love.

Earlier polls show Courant readers held his approval record at 24.5 percent.

"This half point plunge can spell the end of his legacy," said Ontopofthetree.



GEORGE BUSH HALTS STRATEGIC PETROLEUM RESERVES

WASHINGTON -- President Bush, after reading his poll numbers dropped to 24 percent in Connecticut due to the high price of gasoline, ordered the Justice Department today to investigate price gouging of Snicker bars in quickie mart style gas stations, halted deposits to the nation's Strategic Petroleum Reserve over the summer, destroyed insane environmental laws and urged Congress to roll over and die.

Analysts said halting the deposits to the Strategic Reserve will do little or nothing to help ease the problem since America hasn't built a refinery in the last 75 years (or so).

The oil will sit in rail cars, so the president is trying to do the next best thing and that is bringing the price of a Snickers Bar back to a nickel.

Wal Mart officials say if that is the case they will reduce their Snickers to four cents, which in turn caused K-Mart to reduce the price of their generic Snickers to two cents.

"It is good to see free enterprise at work," said Neal E Wourm, assistant economics professor at the Morton Salt Jr College.

"As far as the roll over and die comment, I have no idea what is going through the mad man's mind. I heard talk about an impeachment album soon to be released, guess that will just have to be our shining moment in a dark presidency," Wourm said.