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Thursday, February 09, 2006
Bush Beat Democrats By Revealing A Major Leak
Democrats were angered this morning when President Bush leaked a secret plan by Al Qaeda to bomb Los Angeles in 2001.
Bush divulged the leak during a speech at the National Guard Memorial while Democrats were hiding in a parking deck after a urinal deodorant set off alarms.
Immediately after the all clear signal, an emergency meeting was called by certain key Democratic members of congress, trying to prove Bush had foreknowledge of the near disaster.
"This whole time, about 5 years by my calculation, Bush has kept this secret from America," Senator Leahy, D-Vermont , said in an emergency congressional inquiry. "If this doesn’t prove Bush new about 911, then I’ll eat a bucket of yellow Vermont snow."
Bush said he leaked the information in order to show the country how important it was for the NSA to tap phone calls of so-called American citizens who convene around Starbucks all day with seemingly nothing to do.
"Obviously many of those people are half crazy from caffeine and with no way to track them, well, we are looking for trouble," Bush said. "They sit around speaking gibberish and scarring away customer."
Khalid Shaikh Mohammed a coffee drinker and mastermind behind the threat, had his sights on a building called, for no obvious reason, the Library Tower.
Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosas, along with city fathers later changed the name to the U.S. Bank Tower as an attempt to fool the terrorist.
"If Al Qaeda was going to hit a target in LA, then why would they hit the Library Tower, " Leahy asked. "They hate our culture so why would they not crash into the Hollywood sign."
The plan, similar to the successful hijacking and flying of planes into the World Trade Center and Pentagon that killed more than 3,000 people over four years ago, was stopped with the help of coalition partners in Qatar who ran them over with an army tank, Bush said.
FBI agents also leaked plans found in Sandy Berger’s socks that outlined a threat by several Mid-Eastern men to throw shoe bombs at half-dressed confused looking people at Venice Beach.
"We can no longer pretend that evil does not exist so I am forced to leak before the Democrats leak," Bush said. "You want leaks, I’ll show you leaks."
That threat inflamed Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., enough to blame the president for telling whoppers in order to scare Americans into supporting the Patriot Act, she said at a meeting of United Auto Workers on Wednesday.
"The Bush administration is telling fibs, dirty fibs, dirty leaky rotten fibs," Hillary yelled.
"Besides he cannot explain to me why we have not captured or killed the tallest man in Afghanistan," Clinton said, referring to the Al Qaeda leader.
The leaks in and around Washington in the last 24 hours have been severe enough for city to declare flood warnings.