Several weeks of consternation and cheap political arguments came to a crescendo this afternoon causing Washington D.C. to erupt into an cataclysmic explosion not witnessed in this century.
Professor Richard Von Rikersnapper, head thinker and keeper of the famed Nuclear Clock, said the District of Columbia absorbed about as much political friction and wrangling as possible between the press, politicians, idiots and the lesser sub-humans that dwell around congress with no apparent usefulness.
The explosion, which was equivalent to nearly one sixteenth megaton, rocked several office buildings, cafes and tourist sites around D.C. during senate hearings and investigations over Hurricane Katrina, NSA wiretappings, delayed White House responses over attempted manslaughter charges against Dick Cheney and several other issues that brought politicians to critical mass.
"The human body can take only so much agitation before erupting into spontaneous explosion. Combine that with a little gin, too much body fat and then packing said humans into a tight space and it can get ugly," Rickersnapper said.
After President Bush notified FEMA to help clear out the House Office Building, he received a taped message stating they were out of town but if the caller wished to leave a message someone would return the call as soon as possible.
White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan said FEMA needed a few days of R&R after taking the problems of the world on their shoulders and would likely return in a day or so after they read about the disaster in the paper.
McClellan denied allegations by the replacement press that Bush hates reporters therefore did not call in FEMA at least two days before the explosion.
"It was obvious to many Republicans that Congress was about to breach and the weakened press could no longer contain them," John F. Kerry, presidential loser, said from his snow covered Villa in the North of Maryland. "This disaster could have been prevented if Bush would have sent more money to Washington and allowed more spending by our elected officials."
The explosions set off numerous smaller blasts in New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, Cleveland and other liberal press holdouts across the country.
"Homeland Security could not have foreseen this in the works since nothing to this extent has ever happened in recorded history, though I do recall some folks were turned into pillars of salt in the Old Testament," Rickersnapper added.
The Marines and National Guard, who were called in to restore calm and clean up the debris, dubbed this historic event as "Operation Teddy Boy," an obvious referral to the 1945 H-bomb dropped over Nagasaki, code named "Fat Man."