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Friday, February 24, 2006

Southern Louisiana Turned Into The Rain Forest National Park

In an unprecedented move, congress has used its new power of Eminent Domain to claim extreme southern Louisiana for an experimental national park.

The Southern Louisiana Land Grab Bill had the approval of President Bush and nearly all of the Republican House and Senate.

On the Democratic side it was a tough call for most of the leadership.

The 5, 239 page bill will claim the land from, as the bill describes; "Everything from the lower edge of Lake Pontchartrain, following the Eastern side of the Mississippi to the tip of the Delta, including Pilot Town.

This area also includes lower areas of New Orleans and therefore the western edge of the Mississippi Delta including the towns of Magnolia, Happy Jack, Buras and Venice and others along Rt 23."

The new Rain Forest National Park will include nearly a half-million square miles of swamp, bayous, squishy farm land and flood plains that serve no purpose other than taking up an area on Rand McNally maps.

Senator Billy Hurrumph, R-Ga, who rode the bill through congress said this exciting passage will accomplish two things, give both a place for endangered species, including plants and wildlife, and give indigenous animal activists a place to live.

The bill as read will first populate the area with every known wild tropical animal which includes the Swamp Leopard, Marsh Bears, Rhinos, Red Tailed Angry Monkeys and attack Armadillos ,snakes both cute and venomous and nearly every hated insect from malaria bearing misquotes, killer bees to the fire ant.

"After we feel comfortable the rain forest fauna and cantankerous animals have populated the area as expected, we will then open the area for selected human habitation," Hurrumph said.

Once again the bill specified the inhabitants must be militant animal and/or rain forest activist of any race, color or gender.

Particular attention will be paid to activists with arrest records. Those people will have first rights to claim homestead on the southern tip of the Delta.

Republican Congressman Guy Madingo, Tx said the government will save millions in the long run.

"First of all we will save millions on not rebuilding the levees, then, most important, the secret cure for AIDS that activist believe exist in the slashed rain forest may be discovered. Then maybe it won't, who knows," Madingo said.

The bill also forbids slashing to make room for cattle meant to be turned into McDonald's hamburgers, lumber for civilian housing or any other capitalistic adventure.

Wind generators, methane plants, biodiversified plumbing and hemp for personal clothing will be allowed.

Once citizenship into the National Park has been granted the residents can only leave on a 3 day closely watched visa.


gobs and gobs of readers so far

19 comments:

onlineanalyst said...

Ms RW,Ink:
Since this news is bayou, I have no doubt that it is true. Soon you will be swamped with appreciative readers ... like me.

onlineanalyst said...

In appreciation of your efforts to promote this park, the Southern LA Chamber of Congress is sending some chicory to enhance the flavor of the coffee at your cafe.

Just Ranting said...

Are crawdads and endangered species?

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

onlineanalyst

I will be waiting for the chickory. UPS?

just ranting

if they are, it won't be long. As soon as they start feeding on the skinny dipping back to garden nut jobs, they will be plentiful and fat.

MargeinMI said...

Indiginous animal activists, attack armadillos and cute snakes! Oh MY!

I'm glad to see they'll only be allowed to leave on limited passes. Allowing these species to stray too far from their protected spaces would be dangerous for them, and they must be cared for.

More good work for Democrats.

camojack said...

It's a jungle out there!

Maggie said...

MRW....sorry,but I was too 'dense' to understand your blog today.
Frankly ,NO needs to be turned in to a golf club because
I can't see the 'rain forrest' for the tees.

Maggie said...

Make that golf course.

Maggie said...

I think LA is just bayouing time.

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

Guess I need to get my little fingers moving on a new story but there isn't any great stories going down.

Kajun said...

Anybody got a copy of the blueprints for Sharons wall?

Today is Fat Tuesday (Mardi Gras)here in Louisiana.

Kajun said...

HAPPY FAT TUESDAY! AAAAI-IIEEEE!

Kajun said...

just ranting

Can you say "Crawfish"?

onlineanalyst said...

Etoufee at the cafe, darlin'?

Kajun said...

The cutest snakes have multi-colored bands around them---so we call them "coral snakes".

Ms. RightWing, Ink said...

This may be the last Fat Tuesday after the idiots move into their new digs. It will not be environmentally correct to be "fat" on Tuesday or any other day.

Barb said...

As usual ,the first human allowed to 'enjoy ' the park ,will probably be Aligore. He always gets to go to all those forbidden places. Kajun save me some of those cute little coral snakes ,wouldn't they just make a dar;ing necklace?

Barb said...

That was supposed to be darling , but daring actually works better.

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