Clinton Delivers, "I Had a Motive" Speech at King's Funeral

With numerous civil right leaders standing to their feet and his wife, Hillary, forcing a smile to her face, past president, Bill Clinton presented his, "I Had a Motive," speech at the Corretta Scott King funeral.

The 78-year-old widow died last week at an alternative medicine clinic in Mexico, where she was battling ovarian cancer. She had also suffered from a serious stroke.

Clinton’s demeanor went from sullen to intoxicating as he approached the podium where Jesse Jackson once carved his initials as a child attending The Ebenezer Baptist church.

After hearing numerous rousing pep-rally style speeches and fabricated, "white lies," at what was intended to be a funeral that soon got out of hand, Clinton feared his discourse, written on the back of a bar napkin, was not going to allow him to be the Prince of black freedom.

Jimmy Carter, once thought to be president, stood before the crowds and wet his pants.

After his aides cleaned Carter up, he started to blame the Republicans for defective air conditioners, bad tasting fish and expensive denture cleaners which left the poor with dingy teeth.

Rev. Joseph Lowery, who co-founded the Southern Christian Leadership Conference with Martin Luther King Jr., and Poet Maya Angelou, said Mrs King fought long and hard at the UN to prove their was no, "Weapons of Mass Destruction."

"It was her sacrifice to insure the black population in particular, that no intent of harm was done at the Twin Tower attack by our Moslem brothers while Bush knew full well his evil plans had fallen into place while he was reading Fahrenheit 451 to our school children and sinisterly smiling when he recited the passage, "We burn them to ashes and then burn the ashes. That's our official motto," Lowery said, with his fingers crossed behind his back.

Knowing full well his words couldn’t hold a candle to what the leaders ,who never get press time, were saying, Clinton ran to the pulpit and with his great extemporaneous abilities started to recite the now historical speech, "I Had A Motive."

"Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our flooded cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be blamed on Bush. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you today, my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, I still have a motive. It is a motive deeply rooted in my mind.

Clinton continued, "When we let our good intentions rule, when we let it rule from every village government, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's chil’en, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Good intentions at last! Good intentions at last! thank God Almighty, we have good intentions at last!"

"My friends I had plenty of motives. Why I fully intended to appoint a black person to my cabinet. I thought long and hard about putting my office in Harlem and the motives behind the benefits it would bring to the poor chil'ren in America. It was a motive that drove me to come here today and it will be my motive to see my wife elected as the first Black woman to the Oval Office."

The crowd then rose to their feet in jubilation as outraged looks sprang from the face of Rev. Al Sharpton, who later said Clinton stole his thunder.

President Bush ended the celebration with words of admiration and deep respect, but the speech was not heard over the uncontrollable sobs of Oprah Winfrey after she threw herself onto the casket and wept furiously while screaming about a lost book deal.