Southern Louisiana Turned Into The Rain Forest National Park

In an unprecedented move, congress has used its new power of Eminent Domain to claim extreme southern Louisiana for an experimental national park.

The Southern Louisiana Land Grab Bill had the approval of President Bush and nearly all of the Republican House and Senate.

On the Democratic side it was a tough call for most of the leadership.

The 5, 239 page bill will claim the land from, as the bill describes; "Everything from the lower edge of Lake Pontchartrain, following the Eastern side of the Mississippi to the tip of the Delta, including Pilot Town.

This area also includes lower areas of New Orleans and therefore the western edge of the Mississippi Delta including the towns of Magnolia, Happy Jack, Buras and Venice and others along Rt 23."

The new Rain Forest National Park will include nearly a half-million square miles of swamp, bayous, squishy farm land and flood plains that serve no purpose other than taking up an area on Rand McNally maps.

Senator Billy Hurrumph, R-Ga, who rode the bill through congress said this exciting passage will accomplish two things, give both a place for endangered species, including plants and wildlife, and give indigenous animal activists a place to live.

The bill as read will first populate the area with every known wild tropical animal which includes the Swamp Leopard, Marsh Bears, Rhinos, Red Tailed Angry Monkeys and attack Armadillos ,snakes both cute and venomous and nearly every hated insect from malaria bearing misquotes, killer bees to the fire ant.

"After we feel comfortable the rain forest fauna and cantankerous animals have populated the area as expected, we will then open the area for selected human habitation," Hurrumph said.

Once again the bill specified the inhabitants must be militant animal and/or rain forest activist of any race, color or gender.

Particular attention will be paid to activists with arrest records. Those people will have first rights to claim homestead on the southern tip of the Delta.

Republican Congressman Guy Madingo, Tx said the government will save millions in the long run.

"First of all we will save millions on not rebuilding the levees, then, most important, the secret cure for AIDS that activist believe exist in the slashed rain forest may be discovered. Then maybe it won't, who knows," Madingo said.

The bill also forbids slashing to make room for cattle meant to be turned into McDonald's hamburgers, lumber for civilian housing or any other capitalistic adventure.

Wind generators, methane plants, biodiversified plumbing and hemp for personal clothing will be allowed.

Once citizenship into the National Park has been granted the residents can only leave on a 3 day closely watched visa.


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